It's Okay to Say No: Reclaiming Your Peace, One Boundary At A Time

Bah Humbug to the Holiday Letter: A Lesson in Boundaries and Growth

This year, I said “Bah Humbug!” to the annual holiday letter.

Yes, I did. Even after my daughter insisted I include a paragraph about our new puppy, and a friend texted asking when his letter would arrive—this year, I chose to say no. Not out of spite or exhaustion (though there was a little of both), but because I’ve finally started to learn that it’s okay to disappoint others if it means honoring yourself.

And if you’re anything like many of the women I work with in my counseling practice, that last sentence probably makes you shift in your seat. Disappointing others? Saying no? Boundaries? For women—especially mothers, caregivers, partners—it’s easier to prioritize everyone else’s expectations over our own peace. We tell ourselves it’s just easier to give in, to keep the peace, to not rock the boat. But that kind of self-denial adds up.

Permission to Pause

This past year, I’ve done some deep reflecting—on the past I can’t change, the self I’ve often been too critical of, and the future I still have the power to shape. And while forgiving myself for old choices has been difficult, what’s been harder is learning to stop living for everyone else’s approval. People-pleasing, over-functioning, emotional labor—it’s exhausting.

Saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest. It makes you human. It gives your “yes” so much more value when it’s actually rooted in choice instead of guilt.

Real Life, Real Chaos—Still Saying No

Let’s be honest: my life isn’t quiet or simple. My son, now 10, finds school “boring,” survives off mac ‘n cheese and cheese pizza, and outgrows shoes before I can find the receipt. He has no problem saying no—to veggies, homework, and just about anything that feels inconvenient. While I might not love his refusal to eat fruit, I can’t help but admire the ease with which he sets his boundaries.

My 12-year-old daughter, newly equipped with a cell phone (and the confidence that comes with it), has started to carve out space for herself too. She disappears into her room for hours—growing, imagining, becoming. I’m learning to give her that space, to not take it personally. Our kids are often better at boundaries than we are. Maybe it’s time we let them be our teachers.

And then there’s Luna, our rescued terrier pup—also known as Beast, Trouble, and White Terror. She’s cute, chaotic, and has a very personal vendetta against furniture. But she’s ours, and somehow, even in the madness, she’s a reminder that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be joyful.

Letting Go to Move Forward

Saying no this year wasn’t just about skipping the holiday newsletter. It was symbolic. A way of reclaiming my energy, redirecting my focus, and giving myself permission to live differently. Because the truth is, real change only begins when we stop performing for others and start showing up for ourselves.

This isn't about closing ourselves off or never showing up for the people we love. It's about refusing to abandon ourselves in the process. When we say no to the things that drain us, we create space for the things that fuel us—like ballroom dance, healing friendships, going to concerts at the local radio station, and quiet mornings with our kids.

A Note to the Women Reading This

If you’ve been waiting for permission to say no—to a commitment, a role you’ve outgrown, an expectation you didn’t agree to—this is it.

You don’t have to justify it. You don’t need to apologize for it. Saying no is an act of self-respect. It's how you protect your mental health, your time, your peace.

You don’t owe the world your exhaustion. You owe yourself the chance to live aligned with your truth.

So this year, like Scrooge, maybe take a moment to reflect. Let the past be the teacher, not the prison. And ask yourself: What do I need to say no to in order to say yes to myself?

You’re allowed. It’s okay. In fact, it’s necessary.

From our practice to your home—may you find the courage to say no, and the freedom that follows.

#ItsOkayToSayNo #BoundariesAreHealthy #WomenSupportingWomen #CounselingForWomen #MomLife #HealingJourney #SayYesToYou